Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
