forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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