How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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