I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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