You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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