I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
