I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I could fuck to npr.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
