we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
