i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
zippers are such a cool invention
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
