Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
