I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
