fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
