How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
