Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
