just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
