Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
When are your genitals available?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
