the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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