i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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