Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
