i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
