Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
