You're my little dorito
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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