you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
