He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I have tasted many bathrooms
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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