She's JV to your varsity
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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