Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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