youre lurking in front of me
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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