When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We have started to decorate penises.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
