I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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