I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
