so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
