She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
