I want you more than these girls want KFC
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
