I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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