I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
