got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
