Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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