Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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