I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
