I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
