yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I know her cup size but not her name....
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
