You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
