I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
