I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
