i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
