all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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