Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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