I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
