I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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