when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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