i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
