Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Panties = found
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize