We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
