Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
