hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
