She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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