I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
