so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
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i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
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The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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