and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
