Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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