why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Can you repeat that, but with context?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
