So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
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Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
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I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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