We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize