please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
