I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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