I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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