Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
