overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
BRING THE BAGELS
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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