sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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