I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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