Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
We smell like vodka and hangover
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