I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
