"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
