I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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