he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
