The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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