I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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